Race #97
To commemorate the day that Mikie left us, I knew I wanted to run a half marathon and there were no races locally and I wanted to be home, so I decided to run a virtual half marathon at Memorial Park. I started at 6:30am (and it was already 78 degrees with 75% humidity 😳) so I ran a hot race but luckily there was total cloud cover, so the sun wasn’t out (thanks Mikie for watching out for me). It was one of my slowest times (2:42:02) but I am happy just to have finished!
It was the perfect place to start out this day (which was sad, but I was working to not get too sad). For the last year, I have been training mostly at Memorial Park, which is where Mikie and I ran for the last five years of his life and where he ran quite a few virtual half marathons. When we would train, we would usually go in the evening. We would drive over in his little Fiat Spider with the top down. During that time, I was almost always slower than he was and so when he would finish, he would wait for me at the end and when I got to where he was waiting, he would always give me a high five. He was always so supportive and encouraging, even when I was struggling with my running.
Now, when I go to Memorial Park, either for a training run or for a virtual half marathon, I can feel his presence all along my route. I picture him along the way, sitting on benches or standing among the trees. And I talk to him…it’s been my therapy for this last year. I have times when I am mad at him for leaving me and times when I ask him to help me get through each day. I know that if he had the choice, he wouldn’t have left, so I am never mad at him for very long. I am still struggling with why, but he helps me accept the thing that I cannot change. I have come to understand that in life you can experience a loss that is hard to explain and that can sometimes keep you from moving forward. But when we are in that situation, we have two basic choices…stay stuck in the grief and sadness and let it keep you from moving forward or figure out how to live with that grief and sadness so that you can still live your life and find happiness where you can. So I choose to make room in my heart for the grief while it heals and creates scar tissue and build new memories around it. But I will never “move on” and I know that I will never be the same person that I was before. But that is okay because the person that I am now carries all of the love that I have for Mikie and all the love that he had for me.
"They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies."
~ William Penn
This race benefits the Dragonfly Foundation, a charity that delivers the best emotional, relational, and practical support systems for families affected by pediatric cancer.
My next race will be a virtual half marathon in July…details forthcoming.
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