Give a Hoot Virtual Half Marathon, Houston, TX, July 18, 2024

Race #98

On July 18th, I ran a virtual half marathon to get me one race closer to #100. Summer in Texas can be brutal and I didn’t want to travel for this race, so I knew that a virtual was my best option. I started at 5:15am but it was already 78 degrees with 90 percent humidity. My knee was better but with the heat, I hadn’t trained very much, so I knew from the start that this race would push me. I definitely needed some inspiration on this day.

I had found a quote recently that really spoke to me and I thought about it a lot during this race…

"You gave me a forever within the numbered days…"

~ John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Mikie and I often said “I love you forever” and I think when I used to say that to him, I thought of it as an infinite statement. But when you lose your soulmate, you realize that although you may still love them forever, they aren’t physically here to receive that love and they are no longer here to physically give you their love. It can feel like forever has become finite because although we always knew our days would be numbered, we thought we would have so many more of them. So instead of feeling cheated of more days, I am trying to recognize that Mikie gave me forever in the days, months and years that we did have together. I can’t say that I do this well every day, but I try to do it more each day than I did the one before. I love you forever, Mikie ♥️

This race benefits the Florida Wildlife Hospital, which has rescued, rehabilitated, and released thousands of sick, injured, and orphaned native Florida animals. FWH is available 365 days a year to admit wildlife patients. They care for more than 5,000 patients per year.  There is never charge for animal care but they receive no state or federal funding.

The Dragonfly Virtual Half Marathon, Houston, TX, June 2, 2024

 Race #97

To commemorate the day that Mikie left us, I knew I wanted to run a half marathon and there were no races locally and I wanted to be home, so I decided to run a virtual half marathon at Memorial Park. I started at 6:30am (and it was already 78 degrees with 75% humidity 😳) so I ran a hot race but luckily there was total cloud cover, so the sun wasn’t out (thanks Mikie for watching out for me). It was one of my slowest times (2:42:02) but I am happy just to have finished!

It was the perfect place to start out this day (which was sad, but I was working to not get too sad). For the last year, I have been training mostly at Memorial Park, which is where Mikie and I ran for the last five years of his life and where he ran quite a few virtual half marathons. When we would train, we would usually go in the evening. We would drive over in his little Fiat Spider with the top down. During that time, I was almost always slower than he was and so when he would finish, he would wait for me at the end and when I got to where he was waiting, he would always give me a high five. He was always so supportive and encouraging, even when I was struggling with my running.

Now, when I go to Memorial Park, either for a training run or for a virtual half marathon, I can feel his presence all along my route. I picture him along the way, sitting on benches or standing among the trees. And I talk to him…it’s been my therapy for this last year. I have times when I am mad at him for leaving me and times when I ask him to help me get through each day. I know that if he had the choice, he wouldn’t have left, so I am never mad at him for very long. I am still struggling with why, but he helps me accept the thing that I cannot change. I have come to understand that in life you can experience a loss that is hard to explain and that can sometimes keep you from moving forward. But when we are in that situation, we have two basic choices…stay stuck in the grief and sadness and let it keep you from moving forward or figure out how to live with that grief and sadness so that you can still live your life and find happiness where you can. So I choose to make room in my heart for the grief while it heals and creates scar tissue and build new memories around it. But I will never “move on” and I know that I will never be the same person that I was before. But that is okay because the person that I am now carries all of the love that I have for Mikie and all the love that he had for me.

"They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies."

~ William Penn

This race benefits the Dragonfly Foundation, a charity that delivers the best emotional, relational, and practical support systems for families affected by pediatric cancer.

My next race will be a virtual half marathon in July…details forthcoming.

OC Half Marathon, Newport Beach, CA, May 5, 2024

 Race #96

On May 5th, I ran the Hoag OC Half Marathon in Newport Beach and Costa Mesa, California…two spots that were very special to Mikie. This was my first half marathon run in California and this was a race that Mikie had run in the past, so that made it even more special to me. This was also the first race that I got to run with my California bestie, JJ. She has been training with me throughout this process and has been a huge support for me, not only in my running, but as a great friend! And I also got to spend time with my sweet friend Tam and stop by Encino and have lunch with Mikie’s Aunt Louise and his cousin Lori. What a blessing!

The weather couldn’t have been more beautiful on this day…it was a crisp spring day and the sun was shining. I always feel Mikie with me at every race, but I could really feel his presence for this one. The race started in the heart of Newport Beach and about a mile of the race was run along Ocean Drive, past Corona Del Mar Beach, Inspiration Point and other beautiful spots and as I ran along, looking out at the Pacific Ocean, I will admit that tears started flowing. I tried not to cry too hard, otherwise the other runners might think I was hurt 😆. But as I ran and looked out at the ocean, I could see Mikie on his boogie board, chasing the waves and looking for just the right one. Getting back to his beloved ocean always renewed him. He felt such peace in the salt water and he had so many wonderful memories of growing up in the water. I loved to hear him tell stories about those escapades! 

My next race is going to be a virtual half on June 2nd to commemorate the day that Mikie left for Heaven.

Hapalua Half Marathon, Waikiki, HI, April 14, 2024

Race #95

I ran race #95 on a gorgeous day in one of the most beautiful states in the United States, and on the island of Oahu. The scenery definitely made the race a little easier than normal…it’s hard to have a bad day in paradise. I came to Hawaii with my nephew Hunter, and we got to spend a week there, seeing the sights and enjoying many fun adventures. But the real task at hand was running Half Marathon #95. The race started right off of Waikiki Beach, and I was definitely feeling good being so close to Mikie’s beloved Pacific Ocean. It was a mostly flat race, except for a long climb at about mile 10. Mikie was definitely there to give me a big push as that is a tough time in the race for a hill. I finished in 2:41:18, which strangely enough, was the exact time of the half that I ran last month.

The only other time that I have ever been to Hawaii was with Mikie, almost 20 years before. I found some of the pictures from our previous trip that I hadn’t looked at in a long time. I was actually able to recreate one of the pictures taken of Mike. It was actually taken very close to the start of the race. It’s amazing the serendipity of life sometimes, but it was beautiful to look back on memories that I now hold even closer.

I also knew that I wanted to spread some of Mikie’s ashes in Hawaii. It wasn’t one of his requested places, but since I was there, I thought it would be a perfect place to honor him. On our trip there, we went to many beaches along the North Shore and every evening, we would make sure that we were sitting on the beach at sunset. One of those beaches was Sunset Beach and I knew that would be a beautiful spot to spread his ashes and I wanted to do it at sunset. Sunset Beach is also known as a true surfer’s beach and because of its location, the waves are epic, so that’s also made it the perfect spot! The day that we went, the waves were pounding the shore and the sky had lots of beautiful clouds. I know that Mikie was smiling down on me while I left part of him in the crashing waves on this spectacular beach.

My next race is the OC Half Marathon in Newport Beach and Costa Mesa in May. Mike had run this race back in 2007, so this will be another special race, 17 years after he ran it.

Seabrook Lucky Trails Half Marathon, Seabrook, TX, March 16, 2024

Race #94

On March 16th I ran Half Marathon #94 in my continued pursuit of Half Marathon #100. I ran this race on our wedding anniversary, trying to keep these bittersweet milestones from getting me down. This race took place in Seabrook, TX, a coastal town about 30 minutes from Houston. As I drove to the race early in the morning, I was able to watch the sunrise, which always helps me to remember that each day is always going to come, whether you are ready for it or not, so you must face it and try to find the beauty in each day instead of the sadness. But as the sun rose in the sky, there were thunderstorms in the distance and I saw lightning flashing across the sky as I drove. This reminded me that as hard as I try each day, I sometimes get ambushed with storms that keep me from moving forward. I was worried that the storms might cause the race to be delayed or cancelled, but once I got to the start of the race, the storms moved on and we were able to start the race. There were lots of analogies going on in my head for my life these last 9 months since Mikie left me, but I must remember that the sun is always going to rise and there will always be storms along the way, but they will always move on to make way for sunny skies. I just have to work hard to enjoy the sunny days sometimes. 

Throughout the race, I thought back to so many incredible memories of our wedding and honeymoon in Fiji. Mikie absolutely loved Matangi Island and we spent our days, lounging in the sun and drinking umbrella drinks, swimming in the ocean, kayaking, snorkeling among the absolutely gorgeous coral reefs around the island, and most of all, just soaking up our love for each other. It was a magical trip that I will never forget.

 

While we were still in Fiji for our honeymoon, we promised each other that we would return to that island, no matter what. Each year as our anniversary approached, we discussed a return trip, but the timing was never right. Life always got in the way. So my advice to you is to never let life get in the way, at least not all the time. Life will always be busy, but you never know how much time you really have with the ones you love. You will always have regrets, I certainly do for my time with Mike, but just make sure that the good times and the happy memories always outweigh the regrets. We had so many beautiful times and amazing memories and above all, we loved each other deeply and we showed each other that love every single day. Life is too short not to give that extra hug or say I Love You one more time. I am so grateful that Mikie and I did that each and every day. In fact, we said I Love You every time we talked, every time we parted and every time we talked on the phone. His last morning, before he left the house, he woke me up (as he did every morning when he left before me), we talked for a few minutes about our day, we kissed and said I Love You. Of course I want more, but I know that I can be sustained for the rest of my life with the love that he gave me while he was here. I love you forever, Mikie ♥️

My time for this race wasn’t too bad considering my limited training and my wonky knee (2:41:18). My next race is the Hapalua Half Marathon in Waikiki, Hawaii in April…please send good vibes for my knee to hold up!

Ascension Seton Austin Half Marathon, Austin, TX, February 18, 2024

Race #93

I ran Race #93 on February 18th in Austin, TX, coming one race closer to reaching Mikie’s goal of 100 half marathons. It was great running weather…cold but sunny. As I ran this race, in the city where I earned my undergraduate degree at the University of Texas at Austin, I recalled many great memories of the fun-spirited rivalry that Mikie and I had for our alma maters. As many of you know, Mikie loved his UCLA Bruins and one of the first presents he ever gave me was a UCLA ball cap (and I still have that hat, all these years later). We had fun over the years when UCLA did play UT (not that often, though) and of course, we always had to have a bet for those games! And one year when we went to a UT game in Austin, I even got him to wear a Longhorn shirt and hat!

I also reminisced during the race about how much we loved following our sports teams (of course there was always a rivalry when his beloved Dodgers played the Houston Astros) and making bets. When the Dodgers played the Astros in 2017 World Series, we had a bet and the loser had to wear the other teams’ gear for the day…Mikie sure looked good in orange!

I still cheer for the Dodgers and the Bruins in his honor and think about how our competitive spirits always fueled our athletic pursuits. I always feel his spirit pushing me in every race. I feel him when I am dragging and I get a cool breeze to give me a second wind. I feel him when I am about to slow down, but then I see him on the sidelines cheering me on. But most of all, I feel his love, and that is the best motivation of all to continue running these races.

This course was full of lots of hills that definitely challenged my banged up knee, but I had to remind myself that this race was just mirroring how I am living life at the moment, full of ups and downs and never knowing when the next big hill would pop up and ambush me. But I did in the race as I am doing each day, just taking it one step at a time, and with that strategy, I was able to finish the race, although not my fastest time (2:28:34) but still pretty darn good for me. And I will continue to take each day step-by-step.

At all UT Austin sporting events, they play a song called “The Eyes of Texas” and I found myself humming the song during the race (it is sung to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”), so I decided to rewrite some of the lyrics for Mikie…

The Eyes of Mikie are upon me, all the livelong race.
The Eyes of Mikie are upon me, telling me to pick up the pace.
Do not think you can escape him, I feel him sending me a sign.
The Eyes of Mikie are upon me till I cross that finish line.

My next race is the Seabrook Lucky Trails Half Marathon on March 16th (our wedding anniversary).

Chevron Houston Half Marathon, Houston, TX, January 14, 2024

Race #92

On January 14th, 2024, I ran the Chevron Houston Half Marathon on a chilly but sunny day. It was about 40 degrees at the beginning of the race, but I always prefer cooler to warmer weather when doing a half marathon! My time was 2:25:55, which is my best time ever in a non-virtual half marathon and my knee actually held up pretty well! I had my patella supports on and since Biofreeze has become my new friend, I actually carried a spray can with me so I could use it throughout the race (I did look a little funny with my belt with water holders that carried my Biofreeze can instead! I competed with over 20,000 other racers but I definitely had some tunnel vision that day. I spent much of the race thinking about everyone who helped me get through the last 7 months and how grateful I was for all of the love and support I have received; sort of like Mikie’s prayer list that he used to do for his half marathons. So I decided that for this blog, I would thank them, because I know that I could not have gotten through all of this without all of them. I know that I am extremely lucky to have such a wonderful support system!

My Family: My mom, my sister, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephews—they were all there for me in various ways, sometimes in ways I never knew I needed. You might think that as a grown up, you don’t need your mom in the same ways that you did when you were younger, but when something like this happens, you definitely do. My sister made sure that I was never alone in the weeks following Mikie’s death and has been there for me ever since. My brother was the rock and stepped in to keep running the family business and fill the void from Mike being gone. My sister-in-law was always there to help me and my nephews were such great supports. And of course, my sweet Bailey and Gracie—even though they also lost their beloved daddy, they never cease to be there to give me love, puppy kisses, and eternal emotional support. In the midst of my grief, I also feel very blessed ♥️

My Friends: I feel very blessed to have so many amazing friends, near and far. JJ, Michelle, Tam, Barbie, Aimee and many others, were so supportive in the days and weeks after Mikie’s death, helped me with his service in July and were there for it as well, and have been there for me ever since. I can’t thank you all enough for EVERYTHING! I love you all!

Mikie’s Family and Friends: I am so grateful for Mikie’s Lebanese family in California. He loved them dearly (as do I) and getting to visit them has been the best. Aunt Louise and Uncle Joe, Lori, Loretta and all of Mikie’s cousins, thank you! And I have been so amazed at the outpouring of love I have received from Mikie’s friends, former staff members, students, and parents. I knew how much he was loved and how many lives he impacted, but all of the beautiful messages, notes and cards I received has truly warmed my heart. And everyone who continues to check in on me—I am so grateful!

Last But Not Least, My Guardian Angel: Even though Mikie is gone, I can’t complete this list without him. In my early days of loss and grief, I felt such despair over losing him and didn’t know how I would go on without him by my side. I will always carry my grief with me and I still have many days where I grieve deeply, cry, get upset, and feel so bereft because I am missing my person. But I am working to take the happiness and love that we had together and the beautiful memories we shared and carry it alongside the grief. I feel so blessed that I had 25 incredible years with the love of my life. I feel so blessed that I had the most amazing best friend. I feel so blessed that I was loved deeply by such a wonderful man. And I feel so blessed that I found my soulmate and the person who completed me. So very blessed ♥️

My next race is February 18, the Ascension Austin Half Marathon!

San Antonio Rock n Roll Half Marathon, San Antonio, TX, December 3, 2023

Race #91

San Antonio Rock n Roll Half Marathon

I apologize for my tardiness in writing and posting this blog, but I will admit that it was because of an injury that I sustained during my last half marathon in November. I tweaked my knee and have been struggling with training and some pain in the knee that has a previous injury and has plagued me for years. I was feeling pretty dejected and worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my goal for reaching 100 half marathons by Mikie’s next birthday in September. The goal means that I basically have to run one half marathon a month. Running and training has been what has sustained me during the last 6-7 months since Mikie left me. It has kept me sane, it has kept me from staying in bed all day and keeping the covers pulled over my head, it has kept me from drowning in a sea of grief. So, I went into the race on December 3rd resolute that I would finish the race, even if I had to walk the entire 13.1 miles. It actually went better than I thought it would, although I still have knee pain and am seeing a sports ortho at the beginning of January. So, fingers crossed that I can get some answers and relief so that I can keep marching toward Mikie’s goal! But I knew this would be a tough race because of my injury, The weather couldn’t have been more perfect, it was cold at the beginning, but not so cold that it was miserable. And there was cloud cover for most of the race. My time wasn’t my fastest, but not too bad considering (2:31:48). I managed to run a lot of it and without too much pain, thanks to the BioFreeze stations along the way! I think that was my Mikie angel that sent those to me. And as always, Mikie was running beside me the entire way!

But after the race, as I was feeling sorry for myself, I remembered all of the injuries and obstacles that Mike dealt with in his half marathon journey—two back surgeries, open heart surgery, plus multiple injuries with his feet, quads, tearing his IT band, and the list goes on. So, I realized that although I need to be smart about not pushing it too much, if Mikie were here, he would be telling me, “Suck it up Nancy!” He would tell me to stop feeling sad about it and figure out how to make it work despite an aching knee. So, I decided to listen to my wise and persevering husband who never let an injury stop him! I have scaled back my training (since I am suspecting that part of the issue is overtraining), I bought a Peleton so that I can train without the impact on my knee and I am seeing a sports ortho to hopefully get some answers. So, we shall see. 

My next race is the Houston Chevron Half Marathon on January 14th. If you get a chance, send me some good mojo that day, I will probably need it! 

Stars and Stripes Half Marathon, Houston, TX, November 16, 2023

Race #90

On November 16, 2023 I completed a virtual half marathon at Memorial Park in Houston. It was in honor of the Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation, which provides college scholarships and educational counseling to military children who have lost a parent in the line of duty. What a wonderful cause that would have been very close to Mikie’s heart! 

I had decided that since it was a week before Thanksgiving, I would spend the race thinking about all of the things that I was thankful for related to Mikie and the 25 years we had together. So many wonderful thoughts and memories flooded my mind during the 2 hours, 25 minutes and 9 seconds that it took me to complete that race. And then after the race, I decided to write down some of the many beautiful memories and thought I would share some of them, so here goes…

Mile 1: Meeting in Arkansas in the computer lab and doing donuts in the parking lot, eating late night Cheetos and accidentally driving to Oklahoma and starting a 25 year relationship

Mile 2: Getting to work with Mikie for a year, opening the Core Knowledge office in Colorado and having a blast together

Mile 3: We started out early on getting to eat at some fabulous restaurants in different cities—and always ordering two desserts, that became a tradition for us—one of our favorites was the Penrose Room at the Broadmoor and their table side Ceasar salad

Mile 4: Many camping trips in Colorado—our favorite place to go was Chalk Creek near the Collegiate Peaks, and especially going with our sweet Bella

Mile 5: Geocaching all over Colorado and in other states when we would travel—it was always an adventure and took us to some places that we would have never ventured to otherwise (you will find geocaches that each one of us placed up near St. Mary’s Glacier)

Mile 6: Getting Bella and watching Mikie turn into a dog person and love our girlie little pup more than he loved most people (even though he would always laugh about her little pony tail), and then getting Bailey and Gracie, and he loved them fiercely

Mile 7: Getting to travel for work together and go to the Core Knowledge National Conference for many years and get to go places like Orlando, FL, Boston, MA, Washington, DC, Anaheim, CA, Nashville, TN (and getting to go to Disney World and Disneyland together)

Mile 8: Taking a two week road trip one summer and going to Colorado (3 National Parks), New Mexico, Arizona (Grand Canyon North Rim) and Utah (4 National Parks)—one of our favorite trips

Mile 9: Going to baseball games together—we got to go to quite a few different ballparks, but our favorite was always Coors Field to watch the Rockies

Mile 10: Working out and running together, especially at Washington Park in Denver and Memorial Park in Houston and getting to run several half marathons together

Mile 11: Many, many trips to the beach together in the last five years—even though it wasn’t Mikie’s beloved Pacific Ocean, he still enjoyed his salt water therapy and we loved going to the beach and enjoying it with our girls

Mile 12: So many amazing trips and vacations together, here are some of the highlights—Philadelphia, Minneapolis, London, Mount Rushmore, Sedona, Santa Fe (many times), many whitewater rafting trips, Yellowstone NP, Grand Tetons, Jackson Hole, New York City, Grand Canyon South Rim, Biloxi with the Shihloxi Squad, all over California (with several special trips to San Francisco), Hawaii, road trip from Houston to California, many trips to see the Joseph clan in California, Moab, Chicago, a cruise to Cozumel, Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Haiti, and many more

Mile 13: Getting married and becoming one in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Fiji—it was definitely a dream trip for us ♥️

We had so many plans for more memories and more trips, but these will have to sustain me for a lifetime…I loved making every memory with my sweet husband!

Next race is December 3rd, the San Antonio Rock n Roll Half Marathon, until then I will keep Marathoning for Mikie!