Race Number 16 (84 to go!)
(BTW: grammar mistakes intended)
Hey there, buckaroos! This here is Henry H. "Shorty Scout" Zietz (my nickname was given to me by Chief Sitting Bull, cuz of my diminutive stature). I am the founder of the Buckhorn Exchange Restaurant, Colorado's most historic eating and drinking establishment. I use to ride with Buffalo Bill as a scout and performed in his cowboy and Indian extravaganzas. My saloon, which has liquor license Number One in the State of Colorado, was founded in 1893.
I am right proud that a horde of runners have seen fit to run 13.1 miles from downtown Littleton, Colorado to my famous establishment here in Denver! I understand that there is a nasty roustabout by the name of “Barmy Mikie’ Munier in the midst of this race that is a com’in to my establishment. I tell you, last time he wuz here, he created all kinds of commotion. I am going to make sure he checks his plastic Lone Ranger six-shooter and his Daisy Red Ryder BB Air Rifle at the door (and yes, the rifle had the standard warning label on it that read: ‘Not a toy. Adult supervision required. Misuse or careless use may cause serious injury, especially to the eyes –‘YOU COULD SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT, DUMBY’). I am going to make sure he ties up his little stick toy pony, too. It was truly embarrassing to see a grown man “gallop’in” into my establishment with that stick pony (with a dreadful multi-colored mane) cradled between his legs, slapping his rear, yelling ‘yippee-ki-yay’ and asking for a serv’in of jackalope and a glass of chocolaty Ovaltine. He’d been better off sav’in that act for the San Francisco marathon!!
I understand that them runners had a real nice run along the South Platte River where many of my wild and eager miner friends use to journey with their mules to get into town for a square meal, a hearty drink, and a chance to enlighten us with their stories of the frontier. The runners who bellied up to the bar told me that “Barmy Mikie” had a little trouble finding his stride cuz he was hav'in major back spasms on Friday and Saturday. He came galloping in around 2:15:15. The Monty Python Flying Circus fellows would have been proud!
Well, excuse me folks. I’ve got to get back to my customers. A gang of presidents that have all occasioned my saloon before (Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan) walked in the door and it seems they are all at loggerheads over who gets the last order of Rocky Mountain Oysters. Seems to me the two democrats could split the order cuz they probably need a bit more bull in their diet (editor’s note: joke intended to offend Democrats, not slam FDR. I have the greatest respect for FDR as a war-time president versus his party affiliation-he was a rock during one of our nation’s greatest challenges).
Prayer List: The family of Kaden Vierra. Kaden was a two and a half year old brother of two of our students at Jefferson Academy. Kaden passed away on March 12th, losing his battle to brain cancer. We love you Monkey Boy!
Next race: Next Sunday, April 13th (confirming my madness). It is the Horsetooth Half Marathon outside Fort Collins, Colorado. Wait until you see the course profile for this race!
TALK TO YOU IN A WEEK.
