Mikie’s Year End Review-2007

Like many low quality magazines, newsletters or other public forums of self-indulgence, The Mikie, Half Marathoner blog has some year end thoughts and observations to share after a year of running from the mental health community.

I ran 13 half marathons this year. With that came some highs and lows, some good and some bad, some sky-scraping moments and some near-to-the-ground moments, some elevated moments and some flat moments, some lofty and some stumpy moments, some soaring and some crashing moments….. ok, I’ll stop. Sorry.

My Favorite Race in 2007:
It has to be the San Francisco Half Marathon. Perfect temperature, great setting, a chance to run over the Golden Gate Bridge and an opportunity to be with Cameron (his law school load has made it hard to spend anytime with him).

The Story I had the most fun writing in the Blog this year:
It’s the San Francisco Marathon, again. I had a belly laugh with Cameron as this story started to unfold in my sarcastic and twisted mind. The poor, pathetic “bridge phobic” runner I wrote about still ranks as one of my favorite running memories of the year. It was all true (at least the discussion that occurred behind me in corral three-he really did have a phobia).

Second Place: The Boyd Lake Half Marathon even though it might have smacked of heresy to some of you, I had a ball re-writing the first few verses of Genesis. Hey, God gave me this odd sense of humor!

Third Place: The Denver Half Marathon as I dealt with the definition of stupid and had to sort out my disdain for one of my fourth grade teachers, Mrs. Mona Grant. She really is a great teacher but I cannot stand being around her! ;-)

Worst race:
Victorville River Walk Half Marathon, by far. Summer heat, no water on the latter part of the course made this race, the race from Hades!

Best “Natural Scenery” Race:
It’s a tie. SF and Silver Strand Half Marathon in San Diego. It’s all about the ocean for this beach bum and surfer boy. In my dieing days, just get me to the ocean for a whiff of sea spray and I might get an extra couple of minutes of life.

Best “Human Scenery” Race:
The OC Half Marathon in Newport Beach, California, of course, where all the beautiful people live and an area known as the “Plastic Bible Belt.” Why is it a plastic bible belt? Lots of mega churches, lots of money and LOTS of plastic surgeons and botox.

Most Inspirational Race:
The Eisenhower Half Marathon in Kansas, by far. Running where Ike was born and raised was very special. As I ran, I often wondered if he walked, ran or biked the path I was running on. We owe so much to him as a military and political leader.

Number of sightings of Nurse Ratched this past year:
Actually I saw her at every race. That is why I keep running. I DO NOT want to go back to the ward!

Number of racial slurs flung my way because I am Lebanese:
Only one. That was at the Victorville race when I got on my camel to head back to the coast for a dip in the ocean.

Number of Greek God or “Grand Munier” references used to describe me in the “comments” section of the blog:
About two, I think, by Kim F. Kim does not wear her corrective lenses any more.

Number of Greek God references used to describe me in my dreams or during my frequent hallucinations:
That would be 48 to date (and counting). I sometimes forget to take my medication resulting in delusions of grandeur.

Number of times I have offended people with my blog entries:
This is probably too numerous to count. I apologize. Just block my e-mails as SPAM.

Number of calories burnt at most of the races:
Best guess is about 1,950 per race. Boy, am I glad they serve food at the end of these races. There is nothing better than a dry bagel and a cup of warm Gatorade at the end of 13.1 grueling miles (ha!). I wish the Lebanese community would sponsor a race and serve grape leaves, Kibbi and Baklava at the end of the race!!! Hey, Uncle Joe and Aunt Louise, do you want to sponsor that idea?

Number of people I prayed for during the races:
About 70 very special people! BTW: Our dear sweet student at JA, Shania (who had the liver transplant) is doing pretty well!

Total miles run this year in training and races:
I ran 851 miles this year. That resulted in 141 hours, 59 minutes and 8 seconds of galloping on pavement, treadmills or dirt. That is almost six, twenty-four hour days of running or three and a half work weeks based on a 40 hour work week (who does that anymore?). Whew, but why do I do this????

Forrest Gump can say it for me…. “For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean (actually, 851 miles only gets me to Baker, CA just outside the Mohave Desert, about 180 miles from Costa Mesa, CA where I grew up). And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, and just keep on going.”

I guess I will do the same.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!

Pueblo Rock Canyon Half Marathon, Pueblo, Colorado-December 1, 2007

Race Number 15 (85 to go, for the non-math whiz!)

For me, the real joy of running and racing is finding out what I'm capable of on any given day. I start every race with my actual watch and my emotional watch set to 00:00. I try to stand at every starting line filled not with dread, but with curiosity. And I cross every finish line with a sense of awe and satisfaction.

DID I JUST WRITE THAT GARBAGE? Gosh, I wish that was true. What AWE? It is more like AWE SHUCKS, the ball of my right foot is in severe pain, AGAIN! Or, AWE SHUCKS, that annoying chaffing under my armpits is happening again. SATISFACTION?? I can’t get no satisfaction (Rolling Stones-1965) unless I am running past thirty and forty year olds murmuring under my breath, “Bye, Bye, have a nice run, SLOW POKE! (I don’t really do that.....most of the time).

I try so hard to beat my previous times and go where no other 58 year old “Captain Kirk want-to-be” has gone before- to the finish line having spent every precious calorie to the point of total exhaustion! But sometimes this body will not respond to the “call of the wild” inner man. The athlete of my youth keeps trying to rise from the ashes of defeat and cause this temple of God Almighty (or is it Almighty God-both are accurate) to be subjected to the ruin of Titus (i.e. Roman General who leveled, to the ground, the city and temple of Jerusalem in 70AD). I think the youthful idiot inside me needs to get a GRIP or at least reckon with the aging of the temple structure!

With that said: Can you guess how the race went? It was kind of AWEsome and kind of satisfying! I was just trying to get you to think I had a really poor race. Then maybe you would feel a bit sorry for me. Didn’t work, huh? Never works on my staff either.

The race was held in Pueblo (4,700 elv.-which means I probably gained about .0005% extra oxygen), a medium size city in Southern Colorado known for FOUR Congressional Medal of Honor recipients and the most dollar stores per square mile of any town or city in Colorado (you think I am kidding, huh). It was 28 degrees at the start and it warmed up to 58 degrees. The Rock Canyon sits below the Pueblo Dam. It was a “nice” one to two degree CLIMB to the concrete structure for eight miles with a 30 knot wind blowing in my face. Oh, that hurt. It REALLY hurt! As I trudged up the dirt and rock trail, I envisioned making the turn at the dam and coming down the "out and back course" with the wind at my back. Well, even though I have a little Irish in me from my mom’s side of the family, the luck part of that Irish did not make an appearance. Sure enough, the 30 knot wind SHIFTED and I had a very grim reality to face. Lean forward and stumble down the mountain trail as fast as I could. Time: 2:19:27-not an awe inspiring or satisfying performance. I will be better prepared for this race next year and wear my hiking boots! Or enlist the services of a llama. BTW: Do you know what the favorite food of llamas is? Llama Beans, of course!

Prayer List: I prayed for the soon to arrive grand baby (Morgan and Amanda’s). Gosh, the whole family can hardly wait!!

Silver Strand Half Marathon-San Diego, California - November 11, 2007

Race Number 14 on my 40th High School Reunion Weekend

I was sitting at my desk at school, after waking from a long nap, (yea right) and I began getting very excited about going to my 40th high school reunion in Costa Mesa, California. All of a sudden, some very disturbing thoughts entered my mind:
1. What if…..no one shows up cuz they are all dead?
2. What if…..no one recognizes me or even worse;
3. What if .....No one cares I am even there!

Well, I’ll be darned if I was going to allow the trip to be a total bust if the above happened. So I figured I ought to at least run in a half marathon while I am in “smoky” California. It is just too tempting to run when you get the advantage of 20% more oxygen and you get the extra benefit of running by the ocean especially if you are a surfer boy like yours truly. The sea salt kinda gets my blood pressure hyped up!

So, I signed up for the Silver Strand Half Marathon in San Diego which takes place on Silver Strand Blvd and basically runs the entire length of San Diego Bay starting at Sunset Park in Coronado and finishing at Imperial Beach Pier.

The above “what if” scenarios did not occur, thank goodness. I had a very full Friday and Saturday with old friends. I am proud to say that many of them said that I had not changed (we wore our senior pictures around our necks). I think it was the fact that I still have hair (and the same dorky haircut) and my hair is only partially gray. Plus, the cellulite demon has not invaded my face and body (yet)! You can imagine those positive comments made me feel like Adonis when I woke up on Sunday morning to head to San Diego.

I did everything wrong in preparing for this race. I ate BBQ ribs and chicken on Saturday night as well as drank two large glasses of wine and had my share of cheap beer. I did not get wasted, like in high school (I used to worshiped the porcelain god in my mom’s bathroom on a semi-regular basis), but I would not call my “pre-race” meal something Olympic hopefuls should consider. Add to that that I got only five hours of sleep, I figured I was headed for a gut wrenching experience (porcelain god visions popped into my head, except in a porta-potty-GROSS)!

Now the super good news: No barfing, lots of energy and a 2:08:58 time!!! Do you believe that?!!! It was my third fastest time EVER! So much for pre-race traditions and protocol. Maybe Bud Light really is an energy drink!

The race had a one percent incline for about eight miles with a 6-7 knot wind blowing in my face. I ran past the Hotel Del Coronado, two BIG aircraft carriers and actually saw a whale surface around mile seven!!! After finishing at the pier, I entered the 62 degree water up to my knees to sooth my sore feet and calves. I could not go any further without my wet suit (yes, I am a bit wimpy when it comes to cold water). I stopped in San Clemente at my favorite taco place and drove by my mom’s old duplex that I wish I had bought from her (it is worth over $ 600,000 now and is walking distance from some good surfing at the San Clemente Pier).

Prayer List: My veteran friends from high school. Some of them made it back, some did not. Some are not the same after Vietnam.

Next race: Gosh, I don’t know. I will have to check my Greek God Social Calendar and decide where I should make an appearance for the benefit of all the mortals out there!

Heart Center of the Rockies Half Marathon at Boyd Lake - November 3, 2007

Race Number 13 (87 to go!)

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God looked upon the region in what was to be called Loveland, Colorado and he hath determined the need for a lake. So He caused the lake to be formed at the lowest point of the valley where the water from the mountains might flow to it. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “I will bring forth in the mind of a race promoter that this would be a good place for a half marathon in the cold twenty to thirty degree weather of November, and I shall name that race promoter SATAN. Then God spoke to the evil race promoter and said, “I want you to make sure that the runners will have to climb this steady grade of "just" one to two percent for nearly the ENTIRE marathon.” And God saw that it was good because it would cause the running sinners to suffer, TERRIBLY! And then God released an evil laugh (is that possible? Maybe it was just a competitive laugh) that could be heard throughout the universe.

Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the human race (yes, the pun was intended) who will run in this half marathon, especially humans who like to run from the lowest point of a lake area, and climb the grade towards my creation of mountains called Rocky.” And it was so. Then God said, “If they do not come willingly, I will place the thought in the minds of at least 600+ running SINNERS that this is good for them to run in this race as a payback for all the trouble they have caused me. That will allow it to be a most profitable event for you and me.” The runners came from every corner of the land to join in on the spectacle. (Editor's note: I am not sure where the Free Will of Mankind Doctrine disappeared to, but I am not God so I cannot answer your concern). Then God said, “I will especially put the thought of running this race in the mind of an Arab man, from the tribe of Ishmael and the House of Munier. He especially deserves more punishment than most of human kind.” God instructed the sadistic race promoter to name the race “The Heart Center of the Rockies Half Marathon at Boyd Lake.” And God saw that it was VERY good (evil laugh/chuckle again).

Then God, sat back for eons, (most likely in his Easy Boy recliner) waiting oh-so patiently for the special day to arrive. And God delighted in the race (even more than the Crusades, the Reformation and the presidential term of Bill Clinton) and God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the LORD God knew He was finished and had wrought a good thing, because the sinner that He had created this episode for, collapsed at the finish line after experiencing the punishment and torture of this run for two hours, sixteen minutes and twenty-four seconds. And God saw it was very, very, very good! Then, God took a nap and had pleasant dreams.

Editor's Note: The ancient scroll that this passage was “lifted from” is being kept in a special vault within the walls of a Panera Bread establishment in the city of Westminster, Colorado. Those who would like to verify the scroll's authenticity will need to prove their allegiance to the House of Munier by depositing $1,000,000 in the House of Munier bank account. At that point, the scroll will be revealed to you for a maximum of TEN seconds ($100,000 per second).

Also, for fear of being struck by lightening as you make contact with the House of Munier, I would suggest that all communication take place through e-mail only.

Prayer list: My esteemed and very hard working Board of Directors at Jefferson Academy. They are seven incredible people that I prayed for at each odd numbered mile!

The Denver Half Marathon-October 14. 2007

Race Number 12 (88 to go!!)

(Imagine a noisy, out-of-control classroom, somewhere in Colorado.)

“Class, today we will work on our vocabulary. Mikie, can you give me the definition of STUPID?”

“Sure, Mrs. Grant. Should I refrain from using the word in a sentence that references you.” Mikie says with a smirk on his sweet little face.

Mrs. Grant, with her usual frown says, “Yes, Mikie. That would be disrespectful and I will send you to Mr. Munier’s office.”

Mikie sinks in his chair and murmurs under his breath, “Big deal-he’s a cream puff any way. He TOTALLY understands why I cut up in fourth grade. In fact, he has encouraged me to make life miserable for Mrs. Grant.”

Mikie thinks for about three and one-half seconds and begins vocalizing his definition. “The definition of STUPID is when you decide to run a half marathon within two weeks of your last one. Now, the definition of REALLY STUPID is when you decide to run a half marathon within two weeks of your last one AND you marry off your youngest son in that two week period and have NO time to train. The definition of INCREDIBLY STUPID is when you decide to run a half marathon within two weeks of your last one, marry off your youngest son AND go to Outdoor Education Lab with 54 sixth graders for FOUR DAYS and NIGHTS within that two week period. The definition of INCONCEIVABLY STUPID is when all the above are in place and you run that half marathon in 35 degree weather, in a steady rain, at 5,280 feet!”

“Oh, Mikie, do you know anyone THAT stupid?” asks Mrs. Grant.

“Yes, Mrs. Grant, I do. In fact, I have a list of people who are that stupid, but I will keep that to myself, cuz the ladies in the school office might get offended. But, I REALLY think Mr. Munier is that stupid, cuz he did all the those things”

“Wow” Mrs. Grant responds. “I think Mr. Munier is not STUPID at all. I think he may be the the smartest and toughest man I have ever known. In fact, I think he is related to Superman, Popeye and Einstein. He should be your hero and role model, Mikie.”

Mikie blurbs out, “Oh my gosh! Stupid is as stupid does, Mrs. Grant!!! Gag me with a dead maggot!”

Editor’s Note: The above conversation actually took place in Mrs. Grant’s classroom. Mikie was expelled from school and sent to a special school for gifted and talented smart-alec's. He probably will never grow up even with special help.

Actually the race was reasonable. The race took place in downtown Denver, going past the Pepsi Center (home of the Avs), Coors Field (how about those Rockies), up Gilpin Street (a one mile 3 % grade) and through the quint parts of Lodo and the Highlands. Frostbitten finger tips were the only real problems I experienced. I had a real hard time opening my free bag of potato chips. Time: 2:17:09.

Prayer List this run: Amanda and Morgan Munier married by me on October 6th. I prayed for them at every mile marker. They are such a good match! Blessings forever, kids!

Next race? Not sure yet, but I need to run at least one race by the end of November. I am looking at a race in Fort Collins, Colorado on November 3rd or Tulsa on November 18th. Stay tuned.

Boulder “Back Roads” Half Marathon – September 2007

Race Number 11 (89 to go)

As told by Jed Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies (excuse the spell’ins, I spells the way I talks).

Hey, yu all. Jed here reportin’ for the Ozark Skunk Gazette on the Boulder BackWOODS Half Marathon rite here in the backwoods of hippie-ville (Boulder, Colorado). My distant Lebanese cousin, Mikie, is running with Jethro, Ellie Mae and Amy Lou Bloom (Editor’s note: Amy is the JA parent Mike has run with at Disneyland) and it seemed fittin’ to tell you what these pole cats are doin’.

Don’t seem right that the chillin’ did not eat Granny’s cookin’ before this race. When I runs the Kentucky Half Wit Marathon some years in the past, the hogback, gizzards, and crawdad compote made me run reals fast (right to the darn outhouse to be exact). Anyone who has gawked at Jethro or Ellie Mae knows Granny's cooking is nutritious. Whens I run the “Boulder 10,000 Meter for the Stars and Bars Saloon,” I tries Granny’s new rec-i-pees for possum, squirrel and groundhog, but thems hearty traditional meals made me stop at every one of thems port-o-lets that these so-called backwoods “natural and holistic” folks in Boulder seem to have scattered all over the countryside.

It was darn rite cool at the start of the race. But a used trash bag over Mikie’s skinny body kept the kid (kid!-he ain’t no kid-he’s an old poop) warm. We sure did not want hims to get p-new-moe-nie (pneumonia).

Mikie and Amy Lou started the race facin’ the 25 knot wind and the poor kids had to run UPHILL for most of 6.5 miles. Thems kids ran a smokin’ hot pace. Theys run by thems outhouses (why do they even have thems outhouses out there-In my hollow, me just use a tree), a goat farm (for reals), and a pasture farm for animals (not sure what they do there). Strange that there were no cee-ment ponds (swimming pools) to cool off in during the run. I think that would have been rite nice of the race promoters to have provided that. The only critters to be seen was a dead snake on the road. Amy Lou picked it up to use in her fay-ver-rite road kill dinner recipe she was gonna fix for her man that night.

Well, about mile 11 prove ex-cite-ing! Amy Lou starts runnin’ like a bee-stung cat and she leaves Mikie in her dust. Now Mikie was fixin' ta try to catch her but he had no moe water in his well. But as Granny always sez, “Don’t you worry, hon, she may be runnin’ but she may be runnin’ with a hole in her bucket.” We-e-e-ll doggies, Granny was right!!! Mikie ended up catchin’ her on mile 13, cuz he got a big surge of energy just like a flea on a fat dog!

Now, Mikie, he is kinda modest (most of the time), but once he crossed that finish line he started squawkin’ like a two-pound chicken who’d just laid a three-pound egg. He seemed to be mighty proud of his 2:17:00 time, considerin' the conditions. Amy Lou came in just behind him. She had not really trained for this race much, so we Clampett’s was quite proud of her!!

By the way, Jethro, did not finish the race. He got a whif of a pretty girl carrin’ a bag of that striped candy you get in the store and he got his “scent” throd off. Come to think of it, I did not raise the sharpest pencil in the box. Fact is, Jethro is so stupid, if his brains were lard, they wouldn’t grease too big a pan, at all!

Next race for Mikie looks like it might be the Denver Marathon on October 14th. That seems to be awfully close to this race. Hope he does not over do it. One of these days I've got to have a long talk with that boy about settin’ goals. I think he has less smarts than Jethro!

P.S. The prayer list included more of our JA staff: Some of our aides, specials teachers, cafeteria manager and building engineer. Thirteen very special and loyal people who think Mikie has psychological problems.

Disneyland Half Marathon, September 3, 2007

Race Number Ten (90 to go)

I have always wanted to know what it felt like to push your body to near heat exhaustion in 95 degree heat as you put one foot in front of the other while cruising through your favorite childhood theme park (is that a run-on sentence?). The Disneyland Half Marathon left the start line at six in the morning and it was 82 degrees (and the sun had not appeared yet!). By the end of the race, it was 95 degrees and the medical staff got REAL busy. I am sure many people were glad that Kaiser Permanente sponsored the event. I am pretty sure they waived the co-pay.

The race director warned us that we were at a “Red” flag warning BEFORE the race even started. A Yellow flag means you stand the chance of getting heat stroke, a “Red” suggests you had better slow your pace so you don’t die and a “Black” flag means you are going to die if you run at all. During a Black flag, the race becomes a “Fun” run that they do not time. My question for the medical staff was, “If I just spent $230 on an airline ticket, $130 on a rental car and $100 to get into this stink’in event, will they use the Black flag to drape my withered body as they transport me to the morgue, IF I CHOOSE to run as if Mickey was chasing me to grab my but-tocks (Forrest emphasis, SF fears, again and another run-on sentence)? The doctor did not seem to be in, cuz he just looked at me with NO expression at all and turned his attention to more important matters.

Other than the flesh melting heat, it was a fun race. I ran through California Adventure (I have never been to that park) and then into Disneyland, which is always special because I grew up going to the park at least one to 4,000 times a year to have fun, pick up girls and run from the security guards. I ran down Main street (where we use to buy wine soaked cigars and walk around acting like big shots--I am not kidding—we were stupid punks) through Tomorrowland, past the submarines (gosh I loved those when I was a kid), and past the Matterhorn Mountain Bobsleds (where I urinated in my pants because the waist belt was too tight-Hey, I was eight years old and scared to death!). I had the unfortunate experience of running by the “It’s a Small World.” Are you aware of any sane person who thinks this is a cute ride? Most classroom teachers would like to ring the neck of these noisy, off pitch puppets and dolls. I also ran past Dumbo (no, Shelly, nor Janet, my administrative assistants competed in this race-I meant the ride, of course!) and then I blew past Tweedledee and Tweedledum at the Alice in Wonderland ride (Mona and Martha, both teachers at JA did not make the trip either, but their likenesses were shown proudly on the Alice marquee).

We exited Disneyland to experience the “special and altogether beautiful” light industrial areas of Anaheim and then we ran around the Honda Center where the Mighty Geese (Ducks) play hockey. Angel Stadium was next and we actually got to run on the warning track from the corner of right field around home plate and then out the left field gate. As runners crossed home plate, they flashed our dripping, struggling images on the Jumbo Tron. Considering I was wet from head to toe after dumping water on my body at EVERY water station, I did not look too bad, except for the blood I was coughing up on my yellow tank top (just kidding!). The finish had lots of well wishers, noise and music!

The medallion we received was really cool, like last year’s. BIG, SHINEY and it made the trip and run worth it. Jumping in the pool at Dave and Sandi’ house in Newport Beach was “priceless.”

BTW: My second cousin ran the race too. Michelle did very well, considering the conditions and it was her first half marathon. Amy Bloom, the parent I ran with last year, ran again, but I never saw her. In fact, her husband and kids did not see her, her mother did not see her, sooooooo, I was kind of wondering where she ran. Hummmm, it might be a case for Detective Donald Duck!

My time? A heat stroked aided 2:13:16. 56th out of 239, 55-59 year olds (top 23%). 1,358th out of 3,984 males (top 34%) and 2,197 out of 9,768 finishers (top 22%)

The prayer list this race: At each mile marker I prayed for each of my classroom teachers and their educational assistant. That was 26 very special folks of the 63 on our staff. Future races will include the rest of our incredible staff!

Next race: Most likely, the Boulder Backroads Half Marathon. Hitch’um up cowboy!!!

San Francisco Half Marathon July 29, 2007

Race Number Nine (91 to go)

Next to Disneyland, this was my favorite race out of the first nine that I have run. What a great city and venue to hold a marathon and two half marathons.

The last time I was in San Francisco, my boys and I stumbled on to the largest gay pride parade in San Francisco and world history. Therefore, you can imagine that I was a bit concerned that I was going to have similar “luck” this time around. Not so, thank goodness! I was not up to running into grown men and women dressed up as angels, unicorns and ladies/men of the night. My fear of getting a slap on the butt-tocks (read that as if Forrest Gump was saying it. One of my dear friends has posted a comment calling me Forrest, as I think she thinks I am an idiot to be doing all this running-“Stupid is as stupid does!”-just kidding, Terry) was also decreased knowing we did not come to SF on the wrong weekend. Cam (my oldest son) and I were up at 3:30 am and Cam dropped me off at the start line by 4:30. The race started at 5:30 in the morning and nearly 14,000 marathoners and half-marathoners gathered on the Embarcadero.

With a temperature at race time of 56 degrees and the standard issue SF fog and mist, it was almost perfect weather for a marathon. I have never been to London, but I imagined it might be like this on certain days. I got to my wave 3 line up point and began to loosen up. Now a quick TRUE story before I tell you a bit about the race.

As I was standing in my wave three corral, waiting for the start gun, I overheard two men conversing behind me. One fellow says to the other that he was really looking forward to the race but he had a BRIDGE PHOBIA. Well, you can imagine what crossed my cynical, twisted and very practical mind. Why in God’s precious and holy name (and I guess Buddha, Allah, and Krishna, too-after all I am in San Francisco) would a person CHOOSE to run the San Francisco Marathon who KNEW, well in advance, that he would be running over the most famous suspension bridge in the world, the Golden Gate!!! I could hardly contain myself from busting out in laughter. Now, I can anticipate many of your reactions to my comments. ‘But Mike, he probably signed up to conquer a fear or at least address it. Have some compassion, Forrest!’ My response to you: When is comes to athletics and competitive events, I generally leave my compassion in the locker room, on the bench, or in this case, in the porta-potty. In addition, how would YOU like to be one of the runners who runs smack dab into this person at mile 5.5 as he freezes in his running tracks at the base of the huge Golden Gate Bridge? Can you picture this guy looking up at the first tower, trebling, with hundreds of runners trying to get around him? Take a glimpse through the eye of a classic motion picture director like Spielberg or Hitchcock. Imagine this scene at the end of a very depressing movie with the camera panning back from our runner’s horrified face and then the camera moves back at medium speed as our runner’s “frozen-with-fear” body fades and you begin to see hundreds, then thousands of runners coming into the picture and then the orange bridge and then the surrounding SF area. I would edit the film to show just enough of our stalwart runner to make it appear that thousands of runners are streaming around what appears to be a pole in the middle of the course. I would name the film, “Waiting for Deliverance” as I am quite sure our runner was waiting for one of the aforementioned gods (or the SF fire department or sanitation crew, for obvious reasons) to get him out of this mess (no pun intended). What a moment, huh? Maybe I should sign up for the UCLA (NOT USC) film school!

FOCUS, Munier, you have a race to share with a somewhat interested public (notice I did not say entourage).

The race took us through the Embarcadero, Fisherman’s Wharf, Mason Street (MAJOR HILL, oh my god), the Golden Gate Bridge and then up and down (mostly up) into Golden Gate Park. The four major hills or climbs were quite challenging. Very much-expected in SF, though. Hydration was easy. All you had to do was breath in all the mist and fog!

I ran the race in honor of Shania Crumrine, one of my student’s at Jefferson Academy. At each mile marker, I sent up a prayer for her. She had a liver transplant this spring and is still battling some continuing and major complications due to the surgery. We love you sweetie!!!

My humble statistics:
Finishing time: 2:15:25 Pace 10:20 per mile
Placed 2,429th out of 4,924 overall first half runners (second half had about 2,500 runners)
Placed 1,310th out of 2,157 Males in the first half
Placed 116th out of 237 50-59 Year olds
Compensating for my advancing age, I would have placed 1,711th out of 4,924 runners or in the top 35%.

After a cold and hot shower and an overdose of Aleve and Mannatech Sport, Cam and I headed to Napa Valley for some wine tasting for the balance of the afternoon. Numb probably describes my condition at about 4 pm. This race may be a regular on my calendar…… as long as it is not on gay pride weekend!

Victorville River Walk Half Marathon-July 14, 2007 (Race #8)

Race Number 8: (California)
Ok, you have to bear with me for a moment. If you signed up for a race that had the title, “River Walk Half Marathon,” would you have not expected the following?
1. The race would be by a river
2. The term “walk” might suggest that you were going to run on a walking path.
3. You might assume that the “walking path” was a hard surface or at least a hard packed surface.

Well, as Gomer Pyle used to say, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!” The Victorville River Walk Half Marathon was run by a RIVER BED that was completely dry and has been dry for a million years! Additionally, SIX of the 13 miles were on the river walk which was all sand or loose dirt and would be GREAT for horses, large dogs (small ones would have sunk into the sand and never be seen again) and maybe camels!!!. If you are training for beach volleyball, I suppose you would have enjoyed this experience in mid-eighty degree heat, but this “not a volleyball player and never will be” guy (volleyball is for girls anyway) found the run to be a real painful experience. It was nearly the slowest race I have clocked and I could not get enough water in me or on me. The race medal was a cheesy one, bought from a catalog of running medals and did not even note the event name and date on it. My magic marker will have to help enshrine it for generations to come.

So much for a small town half in sunny Victorville, California. Oh, I forgot to mention that they actually ran out of water at the water stations at the latter part of the race! OH MY GOSH! They are lucky there was not a case or two of heat stroke.

Upon completion of the race I drove two hours to get my sore, browned body into the Pacific Ocean for the last time. I have spent two solid, special, and glorious weeks surfing (mostly boogie boarding) Hermosa, Manhattan, Newport, Dana Point and Doheny beaches. I needed to get in the water to wash away the sins of Victorville and the high desert. The cleansing was successful!

One major positive: It was my eighth race in eleven months! Only ninety-two races and twenty-two states to go!! Next race: The San Francisco Half Marathon over the Golden Gate Bridge on July 29th.

Thoughts on the First Seven Races

1. Disneyland Half-2006-California
My very first race and still my personal best (PB) time. I guess I was pretty pumped up for this one. I was fortunate to run with one of my parents from school. She is good runner and about 24 years younger than me. She kept me moving. The amazing thing was her ability to TALK the whole time we were running!!!! I just grunted my answers as I gasped for air and strength. She left me in the dust after mile eight and finished seven minutes ahead of me. We are going to run together again in 2007. Maybe I can stay with her a little longer. At each mile I sent up a prayer for a pre-determined list of people. That was inspiring for me!

2. Denver Half-2006-Colorado
This was my first half marathon at altitude and it was not easy. Going up Gaylord street was brutal (I will use that word A LOT in future notes). This race was flatter than Colfax, so I may run it again.

3. OC Half-2007-California
Ahh, going home is so great. I LOVE running in Calli-for-nee-a (that is Arnold for California). Sea level gets you 20% more oxygen and sets well with me and probably most of civilization. It was kind of warm but a soft sea breeze made it tolerable. The slow, upward grade at the end was demoralizing but I still finished in 2:11.

4. Palm Springs-2007-California
Going home to Palm Desert/Palm Springs (I grew up there from four years old through fourth grade) was also exciting but I BOMBED in this race. Out of the thirteen miles, 5.5 miles was a steady 2-3% climb towards Mount San Jacinto. OH MY GOD!!!! Running by Elvis and Marilyn Monroe’s homes were of little consolation. After the race, I headed to Keedy’s Café and Soda Fountain for a chocolate coke, chocolate malt and a BLT. I ran this race in honor of my mom and dad, mom and dad Lapeere and my brother John. John is still alive, by the way!

5. Eisenhower Half-2007-Kansas
I should have known better. Yes, Ike is one of my heroes, but…….. Remember how Dorothy got to Oz? Wind, and lots of it. Add to that a 20 degree temperature at start time and you are running in a NINE degree wind chill factor. Guess which runner in the contest did not pack a wool cap, gloves AND no long running pants? Yep, the Lebanese boy! I think I was one of three runners running in shorts. Now the term BRUTAL, really describes this experience. I hung around to see if I medaled, but I placed fourth in my age division. Frankly, I was happy to finish the darn thing! Ike would have been proud of me!

6. Colorado Colfax Half-2007-Colorado
BRUTAL, JUST PLAIN BRUTAL. The last six miles was a climb to the foothills. I want them to flip this race around and run it down hill every other year. If they don’t, I will enlist my own medical team the next time I attempt this race.

7. Arby’s Rocky Mountain Half-2007-Colorado
Hot, nasty and hilly. “Marine Hill” was an 8% grade with Marines lined up yelling at you (yelling encouragements, of course). Now being an ex-Army infantry grunt, I probably did not endear myself to these guys when I yelled “Black Knights Rule.” If I had eaten an Arby’s roast beef prior to the race, I can guarantee you it would have ended up frying on the pavement around mile six or seven! This was my slowest race and reminded me of why marathons are run in the fall and early spring-HEAT!

My Goal: 100 Half Marathons in the Next Ten Years in Half the States

Well, I decided I would blog my accomplishments in running for as long as I am able to run and write. Actually, the mind might go before the legs, lungs and heart so I will probably have to enlist a scribe to finish the work.

I have run seven half marathons since September of 2006. I decided that I might as well try to run a bunch of them in the next ten years with the ultimate goal of ONE HUNDRED HALF MARATHONS (read that with your pinkie at the corner of your mouth and the Dr. Evil emphasis). Now, that would probably be "easy" so I added that I need to run them in HALF THE STATES IN THIS GLORIOUS UNION (Dr. Evil inflection again and evil laugh).

My goal is to complete this task before September 2017(which is ten years and two and one half months from now). I get to count the ones I have done so far. They are as follows with all the important data. Future postings will include my commentary of each event with a few cuss words, if appropriate.

1. Disneyland Half-2006-California
Placed: 1,313/3,640 Males
Placed: 72/283 (55-59)
Placed: 2,082/9,395 Overall
Time: 2:07:07 Pace: 9:38

2. Denver Half-2006-Colorado
Placed: 520/683 Males
Placed: 17/34 (55-59)
Time: 2:12:38 Pace: 10:07

3. OC Half-2007-California
Placed: 1,399/3,024 Males
Placed: 57/114 (55-59)
Placed: 2,148/6,249 Overall
Time: 2:11:33 Pace: 10:13

4. Palm Springs-2007-California
Placed: 272/350 Males
Placed: 28/44 (55-59)
Placed: 450/652 Overall
Time: 2:12:41 Pace: 10:07

5. Eisenhower Half-2007-Kansas
Placed: 75/155 Overall
Placed: 4/18 (55-59)
Time: 2:07:55 Pace: 9:45

6. Colorado Colfax Half-2007-Colorado
Placed: 897/1,695 Overall
Placed: 496/706 Males
Placed: 25/49 (55-59)
Time: 2:20:07 Pace:10:41
4K= 22:13, 9K=53:14

7. Arby’s Rocky Mountain Half-2007-Colorado
Placed: 482/613 Overall
Placed: 257/291 Males
Placed: 10/16 (55-59)
Time: 2:21:42 Pace: 10:49

So, hopefully you will enjoy the runs (not THOSE runs!)