Virtual Hollywood Half Marathon, Denver, Colorado, May 24, 2015

Number 52

I ran my 52nd half marathon this morning. It was an unusual one, by all means. The organizers of the Hollywood Half Marathon had some medals leftover after one of their races so they sent out an e-mail challenging previous participants to run a "virtual" half marathon within the next couple of months. If you did this and you documented it (i.e. Map Your Run) and then send the documentation to them, they will send you a shiny "Hollywood Star" medal (see post for race #48, below, to see a replica). Well, needless to say, I jumped on this because I am ALL ABOUT THE BLING!!!

So, today, I took off, all by my lonesome, to run 13.1 miles through the streets of Denver. It was quite fun acknowledging the fact that I was the only runner in this race and I WOULD come in; 1) FIRST, overall 2) FIRST in my age division and 3) FIRST as the top male finisher. I suppose if I claimed to have wore dresses once in a while (i.e. Bruce Jenner) I also, could have received, the honor of being the top female runner in my hypothetical race. Yet, I cannot claim that distinction (although in Junior High, I did try on a bra at a friend's house and strutted around for a few minutes..... BUT, that does not count because I was dared, and in Junior High, you NEVER turn down a dare).

My race started at Wash Park and what was really fascinating in my virtual race was the HUGE crowd that turned out to cheer me on. OMG, I was so humbled by the thousands of well-wishers, mostly of Lebanese decent, as well as a majority of the inhabitants of Iceland and seven monks from Outer Mongolia. Fox News covered every step of the contest (Megyn Kelly has a crush on me so the producers assigned her to my trek) and the tables were turned on the Kenyans as THEY served as volunteers at the aide stations, passing out water and gel packs. Let's face it though, IF I had allowed them to run in my virtual race, they would have lost anyway. It is best that they save themselves for another race where they can pretend to be human (I am referring to their unexplainable ability to run like an antelope).

I finished my race near a virtual beer garden (i.e. the refrigerator) where I was congratulated by Mr. Adolph Coors and Mr. Anheuser Busch.  The way my knees feel right now, I wish Mr. Jack Daniels had shown up.

The virtual applause and congratulatory nods have been overwhelming. Frankly, the autograph party was a bit much.  Nonetheless, I do my best to serve my fan base. Just say'in ........

Looking forward to number 53!