Race Number 21 (or Mikie learns something from Bill Nye, the Science Guy)
I came upon this very informative lecture by Bill Nye, the Science Guy, that may help my "loyal" audience understand what I go through when I run at altitude. This race pushed me to the extreme, even though it was predominately downhill. I have a whooping high altitude headache to prove it and very sore quads and knees. I have added a few comments to Mr. Nye’s lecture (in red "pen", an educator's favorite tool) to help this classroom experience become more “relevant” for all of you!
The lecture is as follows:
“One of the major kinds of environmental stresses at high altitude, for humans, is the fact that the air pressure is lower. This is a significant limiting factor as you try to perform normal tasks (and how about running any distance at full tilt, e.g. 13.1 miles!).
The percentage of oxygen in the air at two miles (where the race started) is the same as at sea level (i.e. 21%). However, the air pressure is 30% lower at the higher altitude due to the fact that the atmosphere is less dense--(that is, the air molecules are farther apart.......for those of you who ARE NOT smarter than a fifth grader).
When we breathe in air at sea level, the atmospheric pressure is about 14.7 pounds per square inch. This causes oxygen to easily pass through selectively permeable lung membranes into the blood. At high altitudes, (where Mikie likes to punish himself) the lower air pressure makes it more difficult for oxygen to enter our vascular systems. The result is hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation (kind of like running with a piece of cellophane over your face). Hypoxia usually begins with the inability to do normal physical activities, such as climbing a short flight of stairs without fatigue (Stairs! Give me a break-I just ran 13.1 miles, Bill, .....when was the last time you exercised that puny body of yours?). Other early symptoms include a lack of appetite (not in my case, the beer and hot dog, at the end of the race, went down with ease), distorted vision (Ha! I got that in California watching girls on the beach when I was a teenager), and difficulty with memorizing and thinking clearly (uh….. try ‘most of my adult life’). In serious cases, pneumonia-like symptoms (i.e. pulmonary edema) and an abnormal accumulation of fluid around the brain (i.e. cerebral edema) develop (alright, no comments here from ANY of my readers), leading to death within a few days if there is not a return to normal air pressure levels (it has only been one day since the race so the ‘announcement’ of my demise will be out in a few more days). There is also an increased risk of heart failure due to the added stress placed on the lungs, heart, and arteries at high altitudes (DUH! – you don’t need an advanced science degree or a popular science show to figure that one out).” End of lecture.
I have, in the past, shared with some of you that I really enjoy going to a race at sea level because “I get to suck in 20% more oxygen and I run much, much better” (that fact is supported by my times which are often ten minutes faster than when I run at altitude). Well, I mis-spoke! It is not an oxygen issue; it is an air pressure issue. Excuuuuuuuuuuse me!
Time: 2:23:08. Pretty slow. This was a much harder race than what you might expect (going from 10,600 feet to 8,400 feet). Two plus hours of pounding on the knees and quads as you go down hill on an average 3% grade is really quite vicious and add to that the hypoxia issue, wow, this race hurt. PLUS, a 20 knot wind in the face negated the decline advantage. Yet, a fun one!!!
Prayer List: The maintenance crew at JA. Lots of hard work occurs during the summer to ready the buildings and outside areas for the new school year. These guys (and one gal) are amazing!
Next race: I cannot seem to find a half marathon in California during the weeks I plan on being there for my annual surfing safari. You may not hear from me for a while…….. maybe never again……especially if Mr. Nye is on target!
Rocky Mountain Half Marathon, Denver, Colorado, June 8, 2008
Race Number 20
OnStar: Hello, this is OnStar
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [In a slightly whimpering voice] I’ve hit the “wall.” I need your help. I can’t make it up this hill to the end of the race. It is called Marine’s Hill and its slope is 5-10% for a whole mile!
OnStar: Is the wall ok, sir? I can send out a repair crew.
Customer Mikie Marathoner: No, you idiot, I have not hit “a” wall, I have hit “the” wall. I need help getting pass the imaginary, somewhat documented incident of hitting a point in the race when you think you have no more fuel in your tank to complete the race.
OnStar: OK, sir, I need you to stay with me and listen very closely. I’m going to ask you some diagnostic questions to pinpoint the problem. Do you own action figures?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Uh, well…… I use too, when I was twelve years old. Actually they were LA Dodger bobble head dolls. Does that count?
OnStar: [partially off mic] We’ve got a real piece of work on the line, guys!
On Star: I guess that will do. Sir, how old are you?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: I am 39.
OnStar: Sir?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: OK, I am 51.
OnStar: Sir?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [with obvious loathing] Oh, sweet Jesus! I am almost 59 years old. Why does that matter?
OnStar: Calm down, sir. It is standard procedure to ask that particular question when “Bobble Head Dolls” are the identified action figure. In my sensitivity training, I learned that people of your age really had no need for action figures because your creative minds had yet to be destroyed by Mattel Toys Inc.
Second question, sir....... If one of your Dodger bobble dolls were running this race, which one would it be, Maury Wills or Duke Snider?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Well, Maury Wills, of course. He was a great, Gold Glove Dodger shortstop and set a major league record for stealing bases in 1962 (104) and beat Ty Cobb’s 1915 long-standing base stealing record (94). The “Duke” was a slow, slightly overweight right fielder with short legs and a beer belly. Nobody with the name "Duke" can run well anyway! (e.g. Marmaduke, Duke Ellington, Patty Duke, Duke of Earl, Dukie Houser, M.D., Duke Kahanamoku-The Father of Surfing-----you get my point)
OnStar: Good choice, sir. Now imagine you are Maury Wills as you climb that hill and get over that ridiculous imaginary wall you are letting hold you back. I want you to push yourself, HARD, and quit the stinking whining. Also, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT bobble your head as you run as that will screw up your stride and it also looks very gawky. It could result in the need for chiropractic services which are not a part of your OnStar plan, unless you upgrade today.
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [with GREAT excitement] Oh, my! I can see Maury in my mind’s eye…. I am feeling empowered……. I am flying up the hill and through the “wall”……..OH, MY GOSH. ………………Ouch, THAT HURT!!!!
OnStar: Sir? Are you ok?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Yeah, yeah, I forgot I was running a race and tried to slide into second base. I have lost at least ten layers of skin off my right buttock on the asphalt. Oh, my,………….there is a lot of blood running down my leg right into my Saucony Hurricane's. My foot feels kind of slushy in my shoe (Editor’s note: sorry, I could not resist getting a bit gross-I blame it on a mutated gene pool) .
OnStar: Sir, the imagery I helped you develop was only supposed to get you moving faster and not put you into a Timothy Leary state. According to our service agreement, you cannot file suit or expect us to pay for medical services at the end of the race. Excuse the reference, sir, but you are a REAL bobble head!
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Well, thank you anyway. [Then, in a deep, slow southern accent] OnStar, you have saved my life! Maybe I can thank you in person some time!
OnStar: We’d rather you didn’t, sir.
Time: My last minute entry into this race resulted in a terrible 2:26:54 time. I hardly trained for this event due to end-of-year school activities (and original plans to raft the Green River in Utah with the Granholm's, Amanda Munier's parents), running only 50 miles in May (I usually run 125-150 miles a month). May is a tough month to get mileage accrued. My time reflects this problem.
Prayer List: My 16 charter principal colleagues at the 15 charter schools in the Jeffco School District. They have worked hard, they are tired but as usual, another incredible year of achievement and service to kids.
Next Race: June 28th. The Slacker Half Marathon from Loveland Ski Resort, CO (10,600 ft) to Georgetown, CO (8,400 ft). It is known as the highest, downhill half marathon in the country.
OnStar: Hello, this is OnStar
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [In a slightly whimpering voice] I’ve hit the “wall.” I need your help. I can’t make it up this hill to the end of the race. It is called Marine’s Hill and its slope is 5-10% for a whole mile!
OnStar: Is the wall ok, sir? I can send out a repair crew.
Customer Mikie Marathoner: No, you idiot, I have not hit “a” wall, I have hit “the” wall. I need help getting pass the imaginary, somewhat documented incident of hitting a point in the race when you think you have no more fuel in your tank to complete the race.
OnStar: OK, sir, I need you to stay with me and listen very closely. I’m going to ask you some diagnostic questions to pinpoint the problem. Do you own action figures?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Uh, well…… I use too, when I was twelve years old. Actually they were LA Dodger bobble head dolls. Does that count?
OnStar: [partially off mic] We’ve got a real piece of work on the line, guys!
On Star: I guess that will do. Sir, how old are you?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: I am 39.
OnStar: Sir?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: OK, I am 51.
OnStar: Sir?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [with obvious loathing] Oh, sweet Jesus! I am almost 59 years old. Why does that matter?
OnStar: Calm down, sir. It is standard procedure to ask that particular question when “Bobble Head Dolls” are the identified action figure. In my sensitivity training, I learned that people of your age really had no need for action figures because your creative minds had yet to be destroyed by Mattel Toys Inc.
Second question, sir....... If one of your Dodger bobble dolls were running this race, which one would it be, Maury Wills or Duke Snider?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Well, Maury Wills, of course. He was a great, Gold Glove Dodger shortstop and set a major league record for stealing bases in 1962 (104) and beat Ty Cobb’s 1915 long-standing base stealing record (94). The “Duke” was a slow, slightly overweight right fielder with short legs and a beer belly. Nobody with the name "Duke" can run well anyway! (e.g. Marmaduke, Duke Ellington, Patty Duke, Duke of Earl, Dukie Houser, M.D., Duke Kahanamoku-The Father of Surfing-----you get my point)
OnStar: Good choice, sir. Now imagine you are Maury Wills as you climb that hill and get over that ridiculous imaginary wall you are letting hold you back. I want you to push yourself, HARD, and quit the stinking whining. Also, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT bobble your head as you run as that will screw up your stride and it also looks very gawky. It could result in the need for chiropractic services which are not a part of your OnStar plan, unless you upgrade today.
Customer Mikie Marathoner: [with GREAT excitement] Oh, my! I can see Maury in my mind’s eye…. I am feeling empowered……. I am flying up the hill and through the “wall”……..OH, MY GOSH. ………………Ouch, THAT HURT!!!!
OnStar: Sir? Are you ok?
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Yeah, yeah, I forgot I was running a race and tried to slide into second base. I have lost at least ten layers of skin off my right buttock on the asphalt. Oh, my,………….there is a lot of blood running down my leg right into my Saucony Hurricane's. My foot feels kind of slushy in my shoe (Editor’s note: sorry, I could not resist getting a bit gross-I blame it on a mutated gene pool) .
OnStar: Sir, the imagery I helped you develop was only supposed to get you moving faster and not put you into a Timothy Leary state. According to our service agreement, you cannot file suit or expect us to pay for medical services at the end of the race. Excuse the reference, sir, but you are a REAL bobble head!
Customer Mikie Marathoner: Well, thank you anyway. [Then, in a deep, slow southern accent] OnStar, you have saved my life! Maybe I can thank you in person some time!
OnStar: We’d rather you didn’t, sir.
Time: My last minute entry into this race resulted in a terrible 2:26:54 time. I hardly trained for this event due to end-of-year school activities (and original plans to raft the Green River in Utah with the Granholm's, Amanda Munier's parents), running only 50 miles in May (I usually run 125-150 miles a month). May is a tough month to get mileage accrued. My time reflects this problem.
Prayer List: My 16 charter principal colleagues at the 15 charter schools in the Jeffco School District. They have worked hard, they are tired but as usual, another incredible year of achievement and service to kids.
Next Race: June 28th. The Slacker Half Marathon from Loveland Ski Resort, CO (10,600 ft) to Georgetown, CO (8,400 ft). It is known as the highest, downhill half marathon in the country.
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