Mesquite Bi-State Half Marathon, Mesquite, Nevada, November 21, 2009

Race #32, State Number 8, Arizona (Running to Raise Riches Race #3)

Below is a transcript from an interview by Jay Leno with half marathoner, Mikie Munier. The interview took place after Mikie completed the Mesquite Half Marathon that actually started in Arizona (State number 8) and finished in Nevada. The interview was generated by speculation that Mikie is “cheating” when running at SEA LEVEL! Mikie placed fourth in his age division!

Leno: Mr. Munier, there has been widespread speculation that you have performed well in this race due to blood-packing, the use of performance enhancing drugs and overdosing on Hostess cherry pies. What is your response to these incredible allegations?

Mikie: Hey, I am a clean runner, Jaw, I mean Jay. Just because I train at 5,280 feet does not mean I cheat. Go ahead and test me for positive EPO or elevated levels of testosterone or blood-packing. I will pass the test. If you had paid attention in your seventh grade science class, you would know that the air pressure is better at sea level!! You would also know your new show is a bust!

Leno: Well, you are quite the smart-alec, Mikie.

Mikie: I have to be! Have you met any of my staff at Jefferson Academy, especially Mrs. Grant and Ms. Watanabe?

Leno: Good point. Well, this must be a very proud day for you. It appears you have lost 30% of your body mass during the event. You are really a skinny little twerp. Toppling after finishing the race and having oxygen administered would suggest you went out a bit too hard for this race.

Mikie: Well, Dopey Car Collector, just because I was fed intravenously and injected with adrenaline by attending medical staff should not give you reason to criticizes my performance.

Leno: True….it is hard enough to compete in a half marathon while shot full of human growth hormone, erythropoietin, testosterone, glucocorticosteroids, synthetic testosterone, anabolic steroids, amphetamines, and one’s own pre-packed oxygen-rich red blood cells. To run as you have on water, bananas and Quaker Oatmeal (plain and unflavored, of course) is almost heroic, if not STUPID!

At this point in the interview, Mikie got glassy-eyed and collapsed. He was rushed to Mesquite Community Hospital. Mikie remains in critical condition in the PSYCH WARD, where he was placed in a medically induced coma to aid in his recovery from exhaustion, malnutrition, and loss of bone density. Attending physicians say he is expected to return to his running because he promised the parents and kids at his school that he would run nine races to raise money for the classrooms. It appears the psych ward is the appropriate place for Mikie.

Time: 2:16:42. As noted above, I placed FOURTH in the 60+ group (small group of 16 guys), missing third place (and a medal) by THREE SECONDS. Some "old" guy ran past me in the last 100 yards and stole my glory. I attempted to drown him in the hot tub at the hotel but security got involved and ripped me off of him. Boy, was he a lucky man!

BTW: The "Running to Raise Riches" program for Jefferson Academy has raised over $4,200 in just three races! Is that not COOL!!! Our families are incredible!!

Prayer List: Miles 1-3: Ken Garcia, former building engineer at JA is recovering from back surgery. Miles 4-6: My Uncle Joe as he continues to heal from a heart attack. Miles 7-9: Holly Hensey, principal colleague and dear friend is recovering from a stress fracture in her foot after running her first half marathon in Texas. Miles 10-13: Riley, fiancé of Justin Watanabe. maintenance man at JA: Riley experienced the trauma of being robbed at gun point at her job at a bank.