Heart Center of the Rockies Half Marathon at Boyd Lake - November 3, 2007

Race Number 13 (87 to go!)

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God looked upon the region in what was to be called Loveland, Colorado and he hath determined the need for a lake. So He caused the lake to be formed at the lowest point of the valley where the water from the mountains might flow to it. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “I will bring forth in the mind of a race promoter that this would be a good place for a half marathon in the cold twenty to thirty degree weather of November, and I shall name that race promoter SATAN. Then God spoke to the evil race promoter and said, “I want you to make sure that the runners will have to climb this steady grade of "just" one to two percent for nearly the ENTIRE marathon.” And God saw that it was good because it would cause the running sinners to suffer, TERRIBLY! And then God released an evil laugh (is that possible? Maybe it was just a competitive laugh) that could be heard throughout the universe.

Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the human race (yes, the pun was intended) who will run in this half marathon, especially humans who like to run from the lowest point of a lake area, and climb the grade towards my creation of mountains called Rocky.” And it was so. Then God said, “If they do not come willingly, I will place the thought in the minds of at least 600+ running SINNERS that this is good for them to run in this race as a payback for all the trouble they have caused me. That will allow it to be a most profitable event for you and me.” The runners came from every corner of the land to join in on the spectacle. (Editor's note: I am not sure where the Free Will of Mankind Doctrine disappeared to, but I am not God so I cannot answer your concern). Then God said, “I will especially put the thought of running this race in the mind of an Arab man, from the tribe of Ishmael and the House of Munier. He especially deserves more punishment than most of human kind.” God instructed the sadistic race promoter to name the race “The Heart Center of the Rockies Half Marathon at Boyd Lake.” And God saw that it was VERY good (evil laugh/chuckle again).

Then God, sat back for eons, (most likely in his Easy Boy recliner) waiting oh-so patiently for the special day to arrive. And God delighted in the race (even more than the Crusades, the Reformation and the presidential term of Bill Clinton) and God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the LORD God knew He was finished and had wrought a good thing, because the sinner that He had created this episode for, collapsed at the finish line after experiencing the punishment and torture of this run for two hours, sixteen minutes and twenty-four seconds. And God saw it was very, very, very good! Then, God took a nap and had pleasant dreams.

Editor's Note: The ancient scroll that this passage was “lifted from” is being kept in a special vault within the walls of a Panera Bread establishment in the city of Westminster, Colorado. Those who would like to verify the scroll's authenticity will need to prove their allegiance to the House of Munier by depositing $1,000,000 in the House of Munier bank account. At that point, the scroll will be revealed to you for a maximum of TEN seconds ($100,000 per second).

Also, for fear of being struck by lightening as you make contact with the House of Munier, I would suggest that all communication take place through e-mail only.

Prayer list: My esteemed and very hard working Board of Directors at Jefferson Academy. They are seven incredible people that I prayed for at each odd numbered mile!